Top critical review
Ripped after a couple of weeks.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 7 August 2021
Ripped after a couple of weeks. In front of a pool full of people (socially distanced). I tried to look fancy and the damn thing broke over my head like an uncooked egg. The shame. The anger. The disappointment. Never again. Never.
I should have tried to get a refund but instead left it broken on the coffee table for weeks. I turned the empty wrecked shell of that swimming hat into fuel for my anger. Need to argue a parking ticket, stare at hat for a bit. Meeting with boss, stare at hat for a bit. Wanna tell someone on facebook their post is racist, stare at hat for a bit.
The hat became a symbol of hate in our house, my partner tried to tell me to throw it away but I was convinced that it infused me with power. Unlike the old deflated birthday balloons on are garden fence, that symbolise my laziness (I really should get a ladder and take them down, its been a couple of months now) By allowing the flaccid cap to remain on the living room table I became convinced that it symbolised my struggle to no longer be taken advantage of. How dare that piece of sporting clothing let me down, just when I needed it the most. Never will that happen to me again.
However, I found myself waking up in the middle of the night. After dreams that reminded me of inaction throughout my life. I should have told that child to put those empty drinks can in the bin, I should of argued with the heckler that called me a dyke rather than get flustered and scream at him "yeah, well, nice car”. Soon I could not sleep, I simple found myself each night staring at the speedo adult unisex long hair swimming cap whispering "why were you not there for me then" and also stuff like "how am I going to get out of writing that report" and sometimes even "I should have brought more cheese now I have nothing to snack on" (far more often than is right)
I realised that the hat had to go, mainly because my partner reminded me that I have a tendency to become obsessive about things and I had asked her, close to the beginning of our relationship. To tell me if a hobby veers towards an unhealthy interest. Apart from star trek, don't even go their Wen!
So, the hat was binned. I deposited it in a public bin across the road and I try not to think about it anymore. I may sometimes stare at the bin late at night whilst standing in our bedroom, looking through a gap in the curtains but its silly to think the malevolent power of the cap has transferred to the bus stop bin... isn't it?
Anywho, Maybe have a little thinky about buying this cap. Do you deserve better than what this swimming cap can offer? I think so. Or maybe you actually want to tap into its dark art power. If so, then tread with caution my fickle friends...